Personal Essay Number Two

Written late at night, when inspiration seemed to kick in close to midnight.

Sierra Spraker | December 10, 2022

It’s raining in LA.

It’s always been difficult to pin when inspiration might strike, for me I’ve always found rain soothing and inspiring. I like the sound it makes against plants. I happen to have a window facing a courtyard of tropical greenery, and the water hitting the giant birds of paradise leaves is lovely.

I don’t have many ideas, if any at all, about where I want to carry myself in this next year. I don’t have hopes or dreams or expectations. Instead, it’s as though I’m some sort of dandelion seed, drifting in the wind. I’m not mad about it.

Being an adult in a new city is weird, and hard. It’s lonely, discouraging, and exhilarating. I’ve spent my life facing the new challenge of putting myself “out there”, and almost becoming a new version of myself every time I was in a new place. It’s part of the adventure narrative I was told as a child, but it has since matured into a practical lesson about the unspoken expectations and realities of being an adult.

This won’t be a sob story, don’t worry. I’m just reviewing what’s at the top of my mind at this hour. It’s nearly midnight, and I’m cutting myself off when it becomes 12.

We live in an interesting time, adults acting as children, and children acting as adults. There are amusing sides to it too, such as the middle schoolers who can do a full face of makeup (complete with contour) when I don’t even know what section to shop in at Sephora. All that doesn’t matter, not really. It’s little things which come up and surprise me, and then I am left to haggle with my own reality. It’s disconcerting.

Of course I think about dropping it all and running somewhere off the grid — such as a vineyard in the south of France, or perhaps blending into a cityscape.

I toss silly ideas around in my head every day, but don’t we all?

I love living where I do. It’s easy, everything is right at my fingertips. I don’t have to worry about anything (for the most part), and that’s something I never will take for granted. My life is a good life, it’s just a peculiar one. It’s assuring to know I’m not the only person to feel this way.

11:57 — 3 minutes left.

I won’t go any deeper on things I brought up here, this was sort of a personal reminder that the track I’m on is mine, and it’s the right one since I’m being exactly who I am at this point in my life.

Until my next wave of inspiration strikes. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll have something interesting to share soon - or maybe I won’t. Only time will tell.