Personal Essay Number Three
A response to the previous.
Sierra Spraker | December 28, 2022
I’m setting a new personal record for inspiration within the same month. First, I’ll respond to my previous thoughts from December 10th and go from there.
As a 20-something it’s not unnatural to experience existential crises every once in awhile. I never saw it as a problem, it’s more of an opportunity to toss ideas around in your mind and see which ones should stick and which ones should be released back into the void.
Regarding my comment of “wishing to go off the grid” — this fantasy isn’t new to most people I would imagine. It actually takes a certain level of guts, I’m too practical to really say “to hell with everything, I’m taking off and never looking back”. I wouldn’t do it, not alone. (This is me truly digging into my own personality.)
Being off the grid would likely mean being alone, which is another topic I touched on. When you move to a place it’s lonely and weird. I find this to be a split sentiment in my mind, since I love being alone — and I highly value my personal time. I always make sure to provide myself with me time for as long as I can. On the other side, it’s tiring to self-isolate. We are social creatures and without other people we wouldn’t know emotions like love, hate, or understand perspective.
A personal goal of mine when I moved to Los Angeles was to put myself out there more. In a world where we all are all connected, and seeing what everyone else is doing, it’s easy to get caught up in different activities than what was initially expected. Working from home, I find I might not step outside all day, which is deplorable. I explored another job in which I could meet people and find a community, and I’m so grateful for the result which came from it.
My thoughts on the “time we live in”: I believe we live in a dichotomy. There is language thrown around that we are in a sort of “simulation”, and nothing feels real at times. I don’t have an intelligent solution other than to escape from screen time. For me personally, it affects my drive to step outside my comfort zone, or even set goals for myself. My brother is the most driven person I know, he has achieved every goal he’s ever gone after and I’m incredibly proud of him for that. He would always have more money than the Monopoly bank, and I’d find myself having to take loans from him to pay him for his own rent. I should mention we often completely reshaped rules of every game we owned.
I work a corporate job with a consistent paycheck, but sometimes I wish I could be in school with my four hour “workday” and just concentrate on learning. But when I was learning, I would be so burned out of the homework and defeating nature that is the school system I would yearn for the days when I could have set hours and the ability to take care of myself. The result: a dichotomous mind of a young person.
As it is the end of the year, and typically we like to be cheerful, I’ll wrap up my disjointed stream of consciousness and move on to more optimistic things.
I’m very proud of my accomplishments this year, and how far I’ve come in the “life learning”. I am enjoying fine things such as good wine and good company. I am slowly making friends, and I get to experience life with a significant other who is so very special to me and brings more flavor to my day to day.
In the new year, I am hoping to actually accomplish goals I set. I hope to travel internationally — stay tuned for that. I hope to create a routine for myself that I didn’t end up establishing this last year. I believe we as people want the bits and pieces of life to fall into place. The good news is no one is on any other timeline aside from their own.
The best news yet, the calendar provides a great opportunity to hit the reset button — no matter what else is happening. To everyone who I’ve met in 2022, thank you. I look forward to creating more memories and seeing what life has to offer in the new year.